Men we come down now to the last portion of our duties to our wife. To
summarize the first two messages: as men it is our God given task and
privilege to reflect His nature and character in our family by both
Leading and Sacrificially Loving our wives. This morning I want to give
you two more main categories where we are taught specifically in
Scripture how we are supposed to function in relationship with our
1 Live With Her With Respect & Honor.
One of the first
things to break down after the wedding is the congeniality with which
you treated one another while you were dating. This simply shouldn't be
the case. Now that you have sealed your relationship with a vow – that
is a time to move your relationship up a notch – not down.
So the Scriptures give us a few clear guides addressed to us as men
that are simply meant to help us to treat our wives with respect.
Don't be bitter with her col. 3:19
"Husbands, love your wives
and do not be harsh with them." (Col 3:19, NIV) The idea of being harsh
translates a word that's elsewhere used to describe an upset stomach.
Men your wife is a beautiful treasure – don't treat her like an ulcer.
Part of Christian character is a man who doesn't treat his wife meanly
but respects and honors her.
Let's expound on that over in 1 Peter 3:7
" You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an
understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and
show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your
prayers will not be hindered."
Notice what the directives are: first men you are supposed to â€¦
Live with her in an understanding way: 1 peter 3:7
The idea is
that of having KNOWLEDGE of what's going on in your wife's mind and
life and living in response to that.
Now I know what some of you are thinking; "I can't read her mind-
that's what starts half the arguments in our house!" That might be true
on both counts – you certainly can't read her mind – so since you are
instructed by God to live with her with knowledge – how are you going
to get that Knowledge?
Let me give you a hint: Shut off the TV, Fold up the paper and talk
with her. Gentlemen let me give you a plan. One night this week as the
day is coming to a close turn off the TV and give her your undivided
attention and then ask a question like "Dear, what's on your mind
Now you've got to pick your timing, don't shut off the TV while it's on
Her show – turn off YOUR show men. If you do this; two things are going
to happen. Number one she's probably going to be tempted to blow you
off – because you've been blowing her off. And number two – you're
going to need a package of smelling salts as soon as she finds out your
serious. And then men: Stick a sock in it and listen to what she has to
You can't live with your wife in an understanding way if you don't have
the slightest clue what's going on between her ears.
Second thing is this guys: youâ€™ve got to be gentleâ€¦
Be Gentle (1 Peter 3:7)
The NASB says live with her as someone
weakerâ€¦ without delving into any junk around that – it simply means
this: treat her gently. Look men, this takes on all kinds of meaning in
Be gentle with your wife in terms of your speech. Watch what you do to
her heart with that quick witted tongue of yours. Stop bringing up old
wounds – bury the hatchet- quit the guilt trips and kick off your
grudge – none of those are suitable for Christians anyway. Don't resort
to saying whatever needs to be said just to win the argument.
I know how your twisted mind jumps – sometimes without thinking- in the
middle of an argument you know what it is you have to say to gain the
momentary victory. All you have to do is bring up some past event and
you might win the argument but lose the war because what you've done is
you've destroyed your wife's heart.
Not only your speech guys but here's another thing and it's a big one
to me. I don't know if any of you have ever hit your wife but you need
to know that it's a sin to do so. You're breaking this text right here.
Be gentle with her – she's the weaker partner and you are supposed to
guard her not hurt her. Men if you've got an anger problem come and
seek me out and we'll get you the help you need so that you can gain
the upper hand over it – but don't hit her.
Ladies – listen up! This is for the married and the non married and the
not yet married. There is no – time, NEVER! That a man has the right to
hit a woman. If your husband hits you, than you need to get out and get
safe till he's right with the Lord. And it doesn't change overnight –
this is long haul/ long term territory.
Third thing here is this men:
Honor her 1 pet 3.7
She is a fellow heir of grace. That means
men – that you treat your wives with all the respect, dignity and honor
which should rightfully go to a daughter of God.
Let me give you some ways to honor her guys because we're running out
of time today:
(1) Open the door for her when she goes in and out of a building.
(2) Wait till she's in the car and shut the door for her – THEN you get
(3) Ever hear the phrase "Ladies first"? It applies to your wife –
she's a child of God that makes her a sacred lady – treat her like
(4) Let her speak – and don't brush her off.
(5) And this one deserves repeating: Give her your full attention.
(6) Get her an umbrella when it's raining.
(7) Give her the best of everything you have.
(8) Remind her of how much you love her and how glad you are she
Why do these things? Look at what Peter says, so that it doesn't hinder
your prayers. Do you realize this men? God is watching how you treat
your wife and if you don't care to treat her with dignity – he's going
to have a hard time listening to you. So watch how you treat her so you
donâ€™t hinder your own prayer life.
So what have we said guys, Lead her, Love her sacrificially, Live with
her with respect and honor and finally and for keeps: Don't forget to
LAUGH with her.
2 Laugh With Her!
Enjoy life with your wife – I believe most
of us married to that purpose and it's something worth pursuing.
There's an old document called the Declaration of Independence that
took it's formula primarily from scripture. Tomorrow we get to
celebrate it's meaning as we celebrate our country's independence. One
of the first things it declares is the right to "Life, Liberty and the
pursuit of Happiness."
That precept is taken from scriptures – from the concept of our creator
and the intent of his living in our lives today.
Enjoy life with your wife Eccles 9:9 (see context though)
hope you're not complete grumps at home men, because God wants you to
enjoy life with your wife. Ecclesiastes 9:9 which would love a little
bit of explanation for it's context simply says
"Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days
of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is
your reward for all your earthly toil."
And Solomon goes on to say that God has given us life to be enjoyed. So
enjoy it. If you need to hear it, stop being a grump, and be grateful.
For God is good!
Delight In Her (Prov. 5:15-19)
Moving over to Proverbs 5:15-19
men you're simply told to Delight in your wife, be captivated by her
love for you. Good grief some of you roll over in the morning expecting
to see something beautiful – your wife gave that up long ago.
When it all comes down to it guys I'm calling us to biblical manhood.
Let's step up to the plate.