Apathy


The End of Apathy

This entry is part 3 of 4 in the series Hashimoto's Thyroiditis

It is the most “sinful” thing I have to say. For an incredibly long time I have struggled with cyclical bouts of intense apathy. I have always believed these bouts to be uprisings of sin within my flesh. Normally accompanied with excessive fatigue, I chastised the “laziness” that had gripped my flesh. So I’d press on till the fog lifted just a little, but I’d quietly fear its return. During these periods my thinking became even more cloudy than normal, even the simplest things slipped my mind. Out of frustration with my own memory problems I frequently joked that if I came down with Alzheimer’s disease, it would take five years for anyone to notice. It’s not funny. I often reasoned in my spirit that if I only had more faith these things would go away! But they never did. Some days I sat in my office unable to so much as move and tried desperately as I called out to God to just wake me up! He never did. During these seasons I functioned only an act of sheer will. I was depressed. I asked my doctor for antidepressants tried them for a few months to no effect and gave up on them.  Maybe I just needed to pray more. […]